I wrote this poem sometime last week, just two days before Joseph and I agreed to go our separate ways. Towards the end of November, it became very clear that there was something in the air; enough so that many of my friends and I were experiencing the same heartbreak. I still care very deeply for him, and all though it hurts to know the feeling of being pushed away, I prefer to dwell on the feelings when we held each other close. He will continue to be my best friend, and I will continue to respect him as a person.
What is helping me most during my new journey, is the love and compassion of my friends and family. I know I'm a good person, and I enjoy giving all the love that I can give. What can I say? I like to share ;o)
So to all the Men and Women out there going through the same heartache; please accept the love, hope, and best wishes from everyone around you. Feed off of that positive energy and use it to pay it forward. We are all very valuable in this World, and I believe if we do more good than damage, we will never feel heartbreak again.
I Love You Friends and Keep the Faith Alive!
I was 11 years old when I wrote this, and to this day I remember that sad Christmas. We were given the news on Christmas Eve, that my Uncle Pepe had left this Earth to join our Father. I don't know how long he had been suffering from AIDS, but I remember his last days. He found God and Love from a Nurse who cared deeply for him. He smiled every time that I saw him, and he spoke with great gratitude. He took the time to visit all of his loved ones, and made sure to let everyone know he loved us all. Dear Santa, I'm not angry with you. It's been 17 years since we last spoke, but know that I see him in you. Giving, jolly, and thoughtful. If nothing else this Christmas, I wish for the World to be as loving as my Uncle Pepe, even in our last days.
2010 has been one of those difficult years for me, but even through the hardship and struggles; I'm capable to see all the things I'm grateful for.
I am grateful for my immediate family who gives me tough love, and as a result have molded me to become a better person. I am grateful to have EIGHT Families that have touched my heart and offered their grace. You guys always made an effort to welcome me into your homes, and graciously cared about me as an individual. I'm grateful to have my best friend live near me, and although we fight as sisters we love each other just the same. I'm grateful for all my friends who have kept in touch with me through out the years; it brings so much joy in my heart when we chat for hours catching up on life. I am grateful for the new friends I have met since I've lived in Dallas. Many of you I've worked with and many of you through others; I never not stopped laughing with you all. Lastly but definitely not least, I'm grateful for Joseph to have given me a chance, to accept me as I am, and for believing in me when I'm unsure of myself. I can't thank you enough for all of your love and support, you rock my world.
I Love You All, I Love You All, I Love You All! Happy Thanksgiving!
I had the best photo shoot today with this beautiful baby boy. His parents were awesome, and it was great to see their faces after I showed them their pictures. It feels great to be able to capture other peoples precious moments; I never knew how truly rewarding that is.
This my friends, is 6 hours of hard pencil labor. SIX HOURS! It is by far the longest I've ever drawn in one sitting, and the best that I've ever done... so far. However, I was not alone and I'm so happy Joseph helped me out in the development because I seriously learned a great deal of what I had been doing wrong in my past. If it had been just me alone, I would have been happy with my results in my two hour mark and called it quits. But as fate would have it, I had to date an artist... and a perfectionist at that. So I drew until he was happy and until I couldn't stand to see her face, is that wrong?
My usual stuff has been described to look like a "Sim's Character", but I never really understood what it takes to draw something real to LOOK REAL. Joseph makes it look soooooo eaaaasy! But he's right about one thing, it's all about practice.
If you want to be remotely good at anything, it's Practice, Practice, Practice. And not just ANY Practice, you actually have to not limit yourself and work on it for longer periods of time. Its a commitment that most people fear to dedicate themselves to, but if you absolutely want it, then you absolutely need to give it your All and your Time! Just like any relationship in the World, if you want your relationship in your love life, with your family, with your co-workers, friends, even yourself... If you want it to work, you have to practice the art of giving it your All and your Time.
So my friends, take the time to reflect when you gave up on anything and ask yourself if you want to be better. If so, the secret is Practice, it's as plain and simple as that.
For those of you in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, if you'd like to draw and get tips on how to better your art, come join us at the Borders in the Arlington Highlands every Sunday's at Noon-6pm, and lets create art.
"If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I am prepared to forget it if they are" - Errol Flynn
"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock this afternoon." - Henny Youngman
"Here is a useful shopping tip: You can get a pair of shoes for $2.50 at bowling alleys."
"I want a one-armed economist so that the guy could never make a statement and then say "on the other hand..." -Harry Truman
About 4 years ago, I was presented with a book by Donald Trump & Robert Kiyosaki "Why We Want You To Be Rich". This $25 hardback of a monster, explained in the purist of simple intelligence where our economy is as a country and where it was going. They knew where we were heading and why we are where we are. The sad and ugly truth is, the only way we can change it is if WE, the consumers, start producing.
Somewhere in the 20th century we became snotty brats where all we did is demand, demand, demand. For faster things, newer things, portable things all in the name of NOW.
Technology today is AMAZING! I'm still impressed by high speed internet, and how awesome it is to communicate with people in seconds. We are incredibly connected that people would start itching if they were without their phone for over 2 hours.
It seems that because of our NOW attitude, we're all paying the price and feeling it very much especially in our pockets. Cutting our expenses isn't enough, recycling isn't enough, and layoffs... well, who's that really helping?
I think the moral of this story is: If you want to work, then PRODUCE work. If you want a job, then CREATE a job. If you need money, then MAKE money (legally of course). It's easier said than done, but I know I'm not alone in pursuing my life in this way. Better to be successful in what you love to do for a life time, not in what you like in the mean time.
(photos: courtesy of my mom from an email/ photographers unknown)
So for the last week, since my return from Philadelphia, I've been pushing myself to be a little more productive each and everyday. Although it may be little things to others, they're mighty steps for me that have brought me instant gratification.
For example, it had been almost 3 years since I last cleaned my vehicle, inside and out. The minute I stepped in my car after driving a nice, clean rental car for 4 days, I felt an instant disgust. The filth and chaos that was happening in my car was festering inside of me, and I couldn't have it no more. Thus began my mission to do something about it, and do it RIGHT!
After 2 hours of hard work, I felt a zen and satisfaction that I haven't felt in some time. I was so excited, I wanted to pickup people and have them share my happiness. It felt good to be clean, if felt good to be calm, it felt good to be proud. What's great is that it hasn't stopped there.
Each day I've been updating my pictures and posting them when I can, keeping up with potential jobs, and recently Joseph & I rearranged our Office and Bedroom. For the first time, everything feels right and everything feels like home.
Now, the first thought that comes to mind waking up is, "What will I do today that I would be proud of?" Let me tell you... I've been happy ever since.
I leave you with a favorite quote I read in tiny buddha: "You’re not one small person waiting to create big change. You’re a powerful person wanting to create small change."